My Ward is Awesome

My ward is small, in numbers and in the size of our building. We meet in the Institute building on KU's campus. Sacrament meeting is held in the large classroom, and what I love about it is the pictures on the walls. A beautiful painting of Christ hangs in the front, and during the sacrament, or when I'm singing, I look at it and think about all he Has done for me. Lots of times sacrament meeting feels very intimate, or like a small gathering of friends having church discussions.

Today was one of those Sundays where everything was perfect. I truly feel like everyone is welcoming and truly cares about the people in our ward. We support one other, we laugh at their jokes, we share in their triumphs and setbacks. One of our speakers today started his talk with his own singing of "Keep the Commandments." It was awesome, and everyone in our ward loved it. I would never have the guts to do that! He doesn't have a singing voice, but we all knew that he was sharing a piece of himself and his testimony.

Sometimes life can be hard. Work can be stressful, and we can worry about a lot of things. There's sadness and illness in this world for many people that I love. But when I go to church I always feel better and with the desire to hold onto the faith that I do have. It's powerful.

Sunday

The past two Sundays at church have been kind of amazing. The talks and music and events and people and everything in general was just really great. There was a time not too long ago when I was a bit indifferent to church and attendance of it. I'm far from perfect, and not every Sunday is filled with amazingness, but the past two were and I felt like it was worth mentioning.

I Gave a Talk in Church

I gave my second talk in my ward today. My ward is pretty small, so everyone gets to talk about every six months. It's really fantastic (sarcasm does not come across in type). But really, giving a talk in church is really not that big of a deal.

I was able to choose my topic, and I chose to focus on forgiving others. This has been an issue in my life, and there have been recent issues where it was brought back to me that this is something I struggle with. I based my talk off a General Conference address from President Faust called "The Healing Power of Forgiveness" and the scripture 1 Nephi 7:22, where Nephi is able to "frankly forgive" his brothers. I also decided to share some experiences where I did not forgive immediately and what I learned from those experiences.

One of those instances was when I went through a divorce. This is not something I share with a lot of people. Even though it was nearly 8 years ago, I still had this fear that people would judge me for it. So I only told close friends. But I decided that it was a time in my life that happened and I can't go back and change it, and if someone did judge me for it then that was their problem. It was also a time in my life where I learned a lot about myself and the people around me. I shared my road to forgiveness in that situation and I truly believe there is power in forgiveness.

The response after sacrament meeting was amazing. So many people told me they really enjoyed my talk. My friend Jess said it was great I shared such personal stories because it helped her to apply it to her life. Two of my other friends sincerely told me they appreciated what I said, then gave me a hug. I am glad that from something so awful can come an opportunity to learn and share with others.

My Grandma's Necklace

One time, rather randomly, my grandma sent me a necklace of hers in the mail. I hadn't asked for it. I hadn't noticed it while visiting and commented on it. I actually had never seen it before. But I liked it and was thankful to get it. The necklace is gold with a green diamond. I don't own any gold jewelery except a simple pair of hoops that I bought for the specific purpose of wearing with this necklace.

I wore this necklace today to church, as I almost always pair it with my green skirt because it matches. I like having a part of my Grandma that I can physically put on me. I don't know why one day she decided to send it to me, but I'm glad that she did.

Going to Things

I started attending a student/singles ward in Lawrence (20 miles east of Topeka, home of KU) in May. My reasons for this were varied, but one was because I needed social activities. I'm not generally an overly social person; I generally prefer small groups (small is like 2 or 3) over large groups with lots of people. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable, sometimes I just prefer being alone, sometimes I don't like feeling like I'm fighting for time to speak, sometimes I don't like the company. I think Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice said it best when he stated, "I do not have the talent of conversing easily with people I have never met before."

So even though I generally like being alone, sometimes I do want to do things with other people. Last night we had a Relief Society activity that I attended. Whenever I decide to go to an activity I always end up enjoying myself, so I don't know why I don't go more. There was an after party and it was nice to hang with some girls and just talk.

A Church is a Church

My church in Salt Lake was an old building that has been around since....I don't know but one of my parents went to it when they were my age and it was old then. It's old and beautiful. So beautiful. It's on the corner of 2nd Ave and G Street and is simply called the G Street Chapel. The chapel has a balcony and wood benches that are fairly narrow. There's intricate work along the ceiling in beautiful gold and blue. The wood is dark and made even more lovely by the natural light coming in from the stained-glass windows. In the summer there wasn't even a need to turn the lights on, what with the sun shining through the windows. Sometimes I would just stare at the windows while listening to the music and would feel such peace.

My church now is a run-of-the-mill church. It looks like any LDS church in the Salt Lake valley--overhead lighting, no balcony, a blue/turquoise color scheme. I wouldn't call it beautiful like the G Street Chapel, but it serves the exact same purpose and serves the same sacrament and teaches the same lessons. While presentation does matter, substance is most important.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is amazing. When it's done from the heart and with real sincerity, it can have so much power. I really believe forgiveness is most beneficial to the one giving it. For me, it has profoundly affected my life recently. For about four and half years I've been holding on to a lot of things from a past relationship. While I felt I was over it, I wasn't aware of how much I had still been holding on to it until I truly forgave. It wasn't something I was actively pursuing. Well, at least not recently. I remember going to General Conference a year after the incident and hearing Elder Faust's talk, The Healing Power of Forgiveness. It struck me so deeply, and I wanted more than anything to feel that healing power.

But forgiveness, at least for me, didn't come quickly or easily. I wanted it to come with a snap of my fingers. Maybe if I had worked on it more earnestly, it would have.

And then just the other night, it came. It was so sudden and out of left field, that I wasn't quite sure what to do with it. I truly felt in my heart that all was forgiven. And with that forgiveness came a huge freeing--of my troubles, my heavy heart, my fears, and my inability to move past it. It was so powerful that I couldn't believe it had taken me this long to finally feel that forgiveness. I let the other party in the incident know my feelings, and it was nice to know that both of us have changed for the better since the incident and are working on our flaws. Cathartic doesn't even begin to describe the experience.

Forgiveness comes when you are ready. Some times it's a few months, other times it's a few years. But it's definitely worth it.

Handel's Messiah

Today, because my usual church-buddy was sleeping off the after effects of two overnight shifts at the hospital (she's a nurse), I attended church with my roommate Margaret. For reasons I'm not going to detail here, we ended up going to a different ward than hers that met earlier so she could go in to work and get some stuff done (she works at Goldman Sachs). It's always fun attending other singles' wards. Maybe fun isn't the exact right word, but it's interesting to see how they're all basically the same. But really, that's how it is in any ward; regardless of whether you're in Salt Lake City or New York City, the church is the same, and it was a nice little reminder today as I sat in sacrament meeting.

Other than that, though, the meeting was amazing for its music. Not only was there a beautiful rendition of O Holy Night sang by a cute old man and accompanied by his son, but for our closing hymn the entire congregation sang the "Hallelujah Chorus" from Handel's Messiah. The bishop remarked that when he was in high school he sang in an a capella group and they always sang Handel's Messiah this time of year, and he was sad that many high schools are no longer allowed to sing it. The entire congregation separated themselves into the four parts--soprano, alto (where I chose to lump myself), tenor, and bass--and we proceeded to sing the "Hallelujah Chorus". And WOW, it was amazing! Even with my tone-deafness, I could tell it was something special. The music and words really are beautiful and truly written with inspiration from God.

A Crazy Night

I've been on my ward's Family Home Evening Committee since June. Everything has pretty much been planned and all I've had to do was show up, help clean up afterward, talk with some people, and then go home. Until tonight.

I was put in charge of the Corn Maze activity. It didn't seem like it'd be that hard to organize and put together. And this is basically my essential flaw: I tend to underestimate either the ease or hardness of everything. Also, I'm a procrastinator. Put these two things together and it's not a good combination. Also add the fact that I don't have a car, and it was a recipe for disaster. Oh, and did I mention that it was raining? And that I gave everyone the wrong address.

It was complete craziness, and when I was in the moment it seemed like it was awful. Everything eventually turned out okay, though; people enjoyed the Corn Maze, we had apple cider (even if it was warm) and doughnuts after, and no one wanted their money back. Hopefully the next FHE I have to be in charge of will be at the church, require no money-handling, and there will be other people from the committee there to help.

A big thanks to Cat for driving me around to find doughnuts and apple cider and for putting things in perspective when I was wallowing in my misery and was pretty sure I would have to change wards. I'll be there on Sunday, and hopefully with some lessons learned about planning, not procrastinating, and not worrying about things I can't change.

This is Why I Miss New York

As most of you know, I don't have a car. It's the first thing I sold before moving to New York and will probably be the last thing I buy since returning. It is very frustrating not having a car, especially after being so accustomed to the wonderful public transportation system in New York. I have to catch rides everywhere and always feel like a burden; I've never been very good at having to rely on other people.

I rely on two friends to get me to church on Sundays. The one had to work and the other texted me at 11:40 saying she was called into work and couldn't pick me up. Normally in this situation I would just walk to a church meeting in my neighbor, but I had a very important meeting with the bishop at 1:40 that I did not want to miss. So I called everyone I knew--Amber, Mary, Phaedra, mom, Joylynne, and finally my brother. None answered. By this point it was nearly one and I decided to just walk to a church nearby. As I was out on the sidewalk something that never happens happened--my brother returned my phone call. Seriously, he never returns calls and never checks his messages. It was quite literally an answer to my prayers. So thank you Jared for picking me up for church!

Oh New York how I miss you and your subways and buses that run on Sundays.

A Little Bit of Holland in New York

Our stake was lucky enough to have a bonus stake conference this Sunday as Elder Jeffrey Holland from the Twelve was visiting the area for a training session with New York bishops and presidents. Since our stake center isn't big enough to hold everyone, and the chapel that is big enough is still under renovations, and we already experimented with having our Stake Conference recorded and aired live at all the chapels in the city, the president wanted us to have a place where we could all meet together as a stake for Elder Holland's visit. They found a beautiful playhouse used by one of the colleges in the city, called Hammerstein Ballroom, that had great balconies and a fabulous rotunda. No chandelier though, but Elder Holland still said he felt like screaming out "Christine" (from Phantom of the Opera) and that this was the closest he would ever get to starring in anything off-Broadway--and that because of that the Lord most definitely answers our prayers. It certainly elicited a great laugh from the congregation.

I can definitely see why it was so important to have us meet together as a stake. It was a great moment and a great message and it makes us feel more unified when we can all meet in the same physical space. It even felt a little bit like attending General Conference at the old Tabernacle. More just the feeling of the grandness of the place and the meeting of members. There was no pipes or organ, just a keyboard that I assume had an organ setting because it sounded very much like an organ.

The music for the meeting was provided by the Stake Children's Choir and it was beautiful. You just can't help but smile after hearing kids sing. And they were all so reverent. Its when I see kids that I think about my nieces and nephew and how much I miss them.

Elder Holland spoke after the kids sang "I am a Child of God," and made a comment that they are proof as to why we are so protective of marriage and families. His words really struck me and helped endorse what I had been learning. He spoke for quite awhile, with no notes, about many things. The children being helped to the stage made him remark that through all our life, from nursery to the temple, we have people helping us. He said that we are a Church of happy endings and safety is our promise. He said God speaks through his prophets and told a great story about President Hinckley and how he worked up until his last days, and that everything he did was for us. He said we need to hunker down in our boats when times are hard and turn to the Savior. And he ended with giving a blessing to all, the men, women, children, everyone in the stake.

Afterwards we waited in line to be able to shake his hand. Rosemary's friend from Italy, Aline, would use Elder Holland's words on her mission to convert people. He is her favorite Apostle and she really wanted to meet him. I was trying to explain to her that it must've been fate, destiny that the two of them would be in New York at the same time. She didn't understand the word kismet, so I explained it by saying it was 'written in the stars' and she really like that. Elder Holland was very gracious with all the people who wanted to meet him, hugging some and touching others faces. When I got my turn I thanked him for coming, and he said I was as cute as the flower I was holding (on a day that I hadn't washed my hair!) and that he hoped I had a good Thanksgiving.

It was really a great meeting, and it's moments like these that I feel truly grateful to be where I am. Being a member here feels so much different than being a member in Utah. Plus, I ran into a girl that I graduated high school with who is now living here as her husband attends medical school. Sometimes it really is a small world.

Bilingual Singin'

Today my church building had two baptisms. One was a young boy, Shamir, that I assume was eight, and the other, Jesus, was a young man probably around my age. We had the program right after church in the chapel, as it needed to be big enough to accommodate the Inwood Third ward (mine) and the Inwood First ward (the family ward). Now, for those of you who haven't been to New York, and all you're familiar with is what you see on tv and movies, it doesn't really look like that. For one, it's dirty and smelly and busy and crazy, and for two, there are more than just white people that live here.

My church building (and where I live!) is in a large Hispanic neighborhood, and the First ward is a spanish-speaking ward. Our singles ward is fairly homogeneous, with lots of Utah implants and BYU interns/graduates. So it was great to look around during the meeting and see our two wards combined for these two great events. It was so cool to be part of something as life-changing as baptism in another language, where the talk was given in Spanish then English, the musical number was sung in Spanish by the missionaries, the closing prayer was in Spanish, and one of the baptisms was said in Spanish. The opening song was sung in English and Spanish and it was so amazing! We were singing the same song but in different languages and we were in sync with one another. I don't mean it as in "Wow, our songs are the same, just the words are different" but that no matter what language the message is the same, and the feeling and meaning behind it. I had never experienced that before, but there we all were, people who speak English and Spanish, some who are white and some who are Hispanic, and we were all combined in our worship and praise. It was such a powerful moment. And it was only topped by the baptisms themselves, two moments that were so amazing that it's hard to describe it.

I'm just glad that I get the chance to experience so much diversity and differences, and yet still feel so connected.

Mad Grillin' Skillz

Last night we had an Enrichment BBQ, Our Relief Society counselor lives in a nice row house in Harlem which has a front porch and yard-type area, making it the perfect place for a nice block party. Since I'm on the Compassionate Service Committee I thought it best to go and show my support and compassion for all the sisters in the ward. Plus, hamburgers and hot dogs! It sure felt nice to eat some real food; I've been trying to save my money for when my mom and sister are out so I haven't gone real grocery shopping in awhile. So the expectation of getting some real food in my stomach was a huge motivator. That and Stefanie's Cheez Doodles.

I had already had one hamburger but was really craving a hot dog so I meandered over to the grill to see what I could get. There were no hot dogs on the grill as yet so I placed two on and somehow ended up being in charge of the grill for the rest of the night. I placed more meat on the grill and kept turning those patties all night long. That's right, I worked at Wendy's all thru high school so I knew what I was doing. But since I was manning the grill I didn't exactly get to mingle much with the girls. But I did get to talk with the elders who were there. They wondered if they were allowed to come to Enrichment as missionaries. I'm pretty sure they just wanted to be fed. They even ate the patties that were pretty charred and black, and I had to hurry and cook two more for them because they had to be inside in ten minutes.

Someone brought Oreos and that made my night of standing over the grill worth it. That and talking with Soo.